It's BACK!!! I was reading through my Blog, way back when, and had totally forgotten about my 'Make a Complaint Monday' posts. They seemed kind a fun, so I thought I'd start them again.
My complaint this lovely Monday morning is about people that THINK, or PRETEND or just SAY they know how you feel.......OR if you're going through a hard time and they try to make it seem like someone else's time was HARDER than yours so you shouldn't be complaining...............COME ON!!!!
Now my question is, what do you say to those that are struggling with something specific, someone that needs advice? I have a friend that wants another baby so badly, but the doctor told her she needed to start using Chlomid to help her body accomplish this. As she was talking with friends, I was there, one of them said, "Oh, I've heard it's not that bad (ok, right?). But did you hear about so and so's hard time getting pregnant? Now that's hard (RED LIGHT!)!" Tell me what YOU think is wrong with this conversation.......
My friend felt so ridiculous that she even brought it up. We really need to take a step back and THINK before we speak. She has NEVER had to deal with fertility issues, and it has been really hard. That's all she needed was to hear that HER specific situation didn't matter compared to so and so's HARD TI ME. I hope we can all be kind to one another and really be friends when we need to be. :)
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5 comments:
It's hard to know what to say in those situations and sometimes you just blurt out the wrong thing to say and then later you regret it. I think it's important to LISTEN first and let them know you are there. Maybe tell them you have no idea what they're going through and how difficult you imagine it must be. Sometimes if you know of someone who has gone through a similar experience and has conquered it you could relate their story and not in the way that you're belittling their problem but for encouragement that things will be put right. I think it's also important if we receive an insensitive comment to just brush it off. Most people have good intentions and don't mean to offend and if they truly meant to then you're better off not paying any mind to what they say because it's not worth the grief.
Agreed! We get interesting comments all the time with adoption. At first I would get way offended or super defensive...now I take the time to educate or just ignore it!
True - True! If we could all think before we speak we would all be better off! FILTER FILTER FILTER our words. It is difficult in some situations because you want to be sensative, but the reality is, we will NEVER know exactly what someone is going through. We are all different, with varying degrees of knowledge, resources, and let's not forget spiritual strength.
So, my thoughts are to sympathize and show concern and love. The person with the concern should be doing most of the talking. LISTEN!! Just sayin. LOVE these - thanks Nat for bring this back! Love ya.
I agree with the others. I once had a psych class where we talked about "one-upping" and the "i know a man who" syndrome. It definitely made me think and I keep my mouth closed a lot more. If I feel like I can offer advice on a subject I usually tell the person "I went through something similar, if you ever want to talk..." that way it leaves the ball in their court.
I work with a lady in my calling who is a "Me Monster." No matter what I have to say the thing she has to say is much more important and she always has a story to one-up mine. It gets really frustrating, especially if I'm struggling with something. But, like everyone said you just have to learn to brush it off. I really don't think she realizes she does it and she's definitely not trying to be insensitive, it's just the way she tries to relate to me. I'm sorry that happened though, we really don't ever know what people are going through!
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